You Gotta See It to Believe It to Achieve It

My husband, daughter and I recently saw the movie, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. I’m glad I waited until after we saw it to read the reviews, otherwise we may have opted out. Roger Ebert gave The Curious Case 2½ stars, The Christian Science Monitor gave it a C, and a reviewer on NPR wondered why anyone bothered to make the movie.

Well, the three of us thought The Curious Case was very good, although we each had very different reactions: my daughter thought it sad, my husband thought it tragic, but I was uplifted.

One of the aspects that fueled my optimism occurred near the end of the movie. Benjamin was speaking in voice-over, philosophizing about his life, the lives of those he knew, and life in general. He said something to the effect that, if you don’t like the way your life is going, you can change at any time—there are no rules.

Although not an original thought, in the context of the movie—and in the context of my life—it was significant. It was an “aha” moment.

The movie helped me come to terms with the fact that if something in my life isn’t working and I want to experience something different, I can change. I am the boss of me. I have license to change if I want to. Nothing or nobody is stopping me. The important distinction is what/who I’m trying to change. Since trying to change the situation orother people is an exercise in frustration and futility (and creates more problems), if I want something to change, I must (and can) change me.

But how?

In “How to Fulfill Your Wildest Dreams” Gail Blanke says, “It takes a vision to give us the resolve and the determination we need to make positive changes in our lives. Nothing really big, bold, or beautiful was ever created in a country, in a company, in a family, or in a life without a clear picture of what it would look like, of how it would be.”

So after I decide what I want (my goal), and why I want the results of achieving the goal (it must be a very compelling reason), and determine how to make achieving the goal my top priority, I need a vision of my “best” self.

The more details I add (sights, sounds, smells, and feelings) the better. For example, once I achieve my goal, what will I look like; feel like; be like?

Next, I need a deadline. I’ll make a date with myself: A particular month and day. This is when my transformation will be complete. And I’ll be sure to take time to celebrate my success.

Then, a road map. I’ll determine the small steps I need to take in order to make my vision a reality. There is a guide for developing a personal road map at the end of Gail Blanke’s article, “How to Fulfill Your Wildest Dreams”.

You’ve probably been wondering what I want to change. What I want most, right now, is to be upbeat. I want to take myself (and life) a little less seriously. I’ve been thinking about doing something about the sorry state of my psyche for many years. Then recently, out of the blue, my daughter said to me, “Mom, you hardly ever laugh.” That did it. My own daughter thinks I’m a dud.

Once upon a time, being serious served several purposes. Now, the only thing it accomplishes is to make me a big bore. I have “very compelling reasons” to lighten up. I want to enjoy life more fully. I certainly don’t want my daughter thinking I’m no fun.

But, I need a goal that’s more tangible than “ligtening up.” How do you measure that? So, I’ll take my daughter’s lead and laugh more. It will make us all feel better and may even have health benefits.

To be specific, I’d like to have a good laugh at least once a day. And, six months from now—by July 4—I want to be laughing, on average, about 10 times each day. That sounds challenging, yet realistic.

My vision for myself is one of lighthearted abandon: Like those people in the TV commercials who have just been freed from a lifetime of hay fever, I’m barefoot in a field of flowers in a flowing cotton dress, twirling with arms outstretched, smiling and laughing in the warm sunshine. How’s that for a vision? (I guess the threat of bees is an obstacle I must overcome.)

So, these are the small steps I’ll take to reach my goal:

• Month 1: Start by smiling. Use more moisturizer so my face doesn’t crack.
• Month 2: Keep a laughter journal. Find out what’s so funny. Find out who/what could possibly have the audacity to make me laugh.
• Month 3: Although I hate being tickled, experts say it’s the easiest way to generate laughter. Tell husband and daughter to tickle me with fair warning. Refrain from punching them when they do as I ask.
• Month 4: Tell husband and daughter to tickle me at any time, without warning. Make sure to keep my fingernails short and well-filed.
• Month 5: Learn to laugh without that hysterical-sounding edge.
• Month 6: Twirl. Studies show that laughing may be a natural painkiller, including the pain associated with bee stings.

Benjamin Button quote